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Snarky Holiday Gifts for Writers

Do you have a snarky writer in your life? Don’t annoy them with cheer and positivity... lest you find yourself written into their book and gruesomely killed off.

Have you made the very dubious decision to become a writer? Perhaps you’ve tortured yourself by attempting NaNoWriMo, or you’re neck-deep in a beta reading swap or slogging through yet another round of revisions. Or worse, maybe query rejections are flooding your inbox like Harry’s acceptance letter to Hogwarts. Whatever it is, if you’re a writer, it’s safe to assume that you’re probably suffering in one way or another.

So, if you’re anything like me, the last thing you want to see under the Christmas tree are cheerfully optimistic slogans like “Future Best Seller” or “Best Writer Ever”.

No, I want a gift that acknowledges the gruelling process and the inherent insanity of a love/hate relationship that I just can’t quit, no matter how unhinged it seems.

If you’re the same way, these gift ideas might be just the thing to get you through the holiday season. Send this list to your CPs, beta readers, and writing buddies so you can share a giggle about how crazy you all are.

Or even better, share it with your well-intentioned RL partner, friends, or grandma who innocently ask things like “Have you ever thought about publishing your book?” and “When is your book coming out?”. They will probably never understand your writing obsession or just how *hard* it is to succeed in the literary world, but at least you’ll be less likely to end up with something bearing a slogan like “Future Best Seller” that will quietly undermine your self-confidence all year.

Without further ado, here are our picks for the top seven gifts for the modern writer:

(Note: we are in no way affiliated with these sellers!)

1. A pin for writers who need to warn unsuspecting bystanders. Get it here.

2. For writers who love grammar almost as much as they love judging people.

Get it here.

3. For writers who are fueled by caffeine and evil urges.

Get it here.

4. For writers who need to protect their lair.

Get it here.

5. For writers who see writing as it truly is.

Get it here.

6. For writers who have written themselves into a corner. At least, I assume it's for writers...

Get it here.

7. A second pin to confirm that this writer is indeed insane. Get it here.

So, that’s our gift list for writers who are deep in a misery of our own making! Which one is your favourite? Have any to add?

A special thanks to Kelly Kennedy for suggesting the idea for the article and finding some fantastic writerly gifts! The rest of the article was fuelled by Inez Rodk’s snark.

(Again, I would just like to reiterate that we are not affiliated with any of these sellers! We’re just here for the laughs.)

Trapped in the slush pile? Don't suffer alone! Meet Steven, the big blue monster that lurks in this hopeless black pit. When he's not munching on the souls of hapless writers, he hosts an online writing community dedicated to making friends, having fun, and improving our literary skills.

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